self harm it's like the best way

i do not know it is right or not. i feel so desperate, so numb and reallyy crazy for this time.I really want to harm my self, like so many times. I really wanna kill my self slowly and slowly. Like I don't know where I have to go, and there's no way for me. Should I die at this time? Should I harm my self again and again? I know that's not a right way. but what should I do then? I really freakin out at reality right now, I can't open my eyes. I feel can't breathe, more to breathless. God ... just help me to find my way....